I'm completely lost and annoyed at myself?

You don't seem lost to me. Looks like you are observing yourself closely and that is what everybody should do. Don't be too harsh on yourself. Everybody is unsatisfied with their life. I can recommend you a book .It is called: " Full Catastrophe Living" by Jon Kabat-Zinn. It is about using wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain and illness. Very good book.